Why I’ve moved to taking bookings by text
I was speaking to a fellow sex worker this week and she mentioned that a guy had asked her “Why do you do this? You’re really pretty, you could do any job?”
As a question, it says more about the guy asking the question than about the person being questioned.
The question presumes that sex work is in some way undesirable, and that nobody would do it if they had other options. This is so far from the reality that it’s laughable! I think that it comes from two beliefs.
- Sex work involves sex, and women don’t enjoy sex, so you must be just doing it for the money and gritting your teeth through every booking. You must be desperate for money or you wouldn’t do it.
- Guys who buy sex, myself excluded, are a bunch of horrible weirdos and you’re putting yourself at risk with every booking.
Well let’s get no 1 out of the way! Women enjoy sex – the media position for many years was that women just put up with it in order to have babies and keep a husband, but thankfully things have moved on since then! Most men know that women enjoy sex with the right partner.
Some women (and some men) don’t enjoy sex at all, with anyone. The mainstream media tends to promote the myth that men enjoy sex more than women. Myth. I love sex. I not only love receiving pleasure, but I love giving it. This job means I get to do what I enjoy, every day.
Do I enjoy every booking? No, of course not. But even in the most difficult bookings, I know I’ve made someone’s day better, and I take pride in that.
So as for number 2. The “All clients except me are arseholes.” Men who pay for sex are as varied as men who pay for petrol. In other words, they are normal. There are some absolutely lovely clients. There are some complete arseholes. And there are a great many who just fall into the middle ground between those poles.
A Little Personal History
When I started sex work, I was on a career track with good progression, and earning about twice the average national salary. I was on track for moving up to a 6-figure salary within 5 years. My job was intellectually stimulating, engaging, and had a clear path to move up. But it was incredibly corporate, and when senior managers started talking about “saving 0.5 FTE through efficiency” it was a massive turn off.
I started off doing webcam work because I had a cash crisis one month and needed to make some extra cash. I then tried escorting because so many cammers asked “Oh do you meet”. I thought, why not give it a go? If it’s awful then I never have to do it again. I had my first booking and it was wonderful, the client was really nice and the booking was great. We had sex then spent 30 mins just chatting. I had an epiphany – I can be paid for something I really enjoy doing, and I can be seen as a person, as an individual, and not just a unit of resource. I handed in my notice a few months later.
So when you ask me “Why do you do this” you’re bringing a massive heap of assumptions to the table. For many of us sex workers, we’re doing this because we’ve made a conscious decision that sex work is the industry that suits us best. Questioning our decision really does say more about you, and your attitudes to sex, than it does about us.
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