Why I’ve moved to taking bookings by text
I’ve been larger than average for most of my life.
I started puberty early, needing a bra by the time I was 10, unlike most of my girlfriends. At that time I was in no way overweight; I was very active and fit. I just had boobs.
Once I went to secondary school, I began to get noticed a lot, because of these boobs sticking out of my frontage. And by “noticed”, I mean taunted.
It wasn’t all bad; my early development meant I could buy cigarettes and alcohol at a much earlier age, which is a definite boon when you’re trying to get the school bullies off your back. But yeah, mostly it was shit.
When I was 12, I began to put on weight quite significantly. At that time, the ideal of beauty was a size 8 fashion model. I was developing the curvy figure that I now embrace and love (and so do all my happy clients!) but as far as I was concerned, I was a fat ugly freak.
The thing I hated the most about myself was my calves. They were, and always would be from age 12 on, completely out of proportion to the rest of my frame. “Your legs look like my gran’s” was probably the kindest thing I ever heard. “Oh my god, is it an earthquake? A volcano? Oh no it’s just AnneMarie walking into the room” was the usual run of the mill thing.
Yeah, they’re big. I could never wear any kind of boots at all. I can’t wear knee boots, wellington boots, any kind of straight leg jean. The rest of my body is a size 14 but my calves are a size 20. I can, just about, fit into ankle boots if they have a loose ankle and stretchy inserts.
Most of my calf is muscle. I believe it first developed because I did so much running and walking and playing sports when I was age 10-12. Now I go to the gym and my leg and calf press power is legendary! It’s very comforting to know I can break an attacker’s arm with one kick. But even embracing that strength didn’t make me feel at ease with my calves. I still had the urge to cover them up, to cut them out of any photo.
It might surprise you to learn that before starting sex work, I had not worn a dress or skirt for over 15 years. I lived in trousers and jeans. I got married in a trouser suit. That’s how ugly I felt my legs were.
Then I started sex work.
Both big AND lovely
Sex work has taught me that for every “flaw” I have in my body, there is someone somewhere who is going to think that’s the sexiest thing ever. The first time a client told me my legs were amazing, I felt I should maybe be checking if he had a concussion, or eyesight problems. I think I even said “Are you serious?!”
One client got really excited because I have a mole on my back. I have no feelings about this mole; I’ve never thought of it as a sexy or non-sexy thing. But for this client, it was an amazing beauty mark that really turned him on!
Here’s an odd thing I find erotic: men’s earlobes. It’s often one of the first things I notice about a guy. A lovely plump earlobe is great. I have no idea why.
Sex work has brought many positives into my life, but for me this is one of the most fundamental changes; really accepting in my heart that all of my body is beautiful in its own way (and sexy as balls to someone.)
It’s the first time since I was 11 that I have felt overwhelmingly positive about all of my body, inside and out.
Related posts
